College: Where the real Major is making friends

It was the end of February at 4am in the morning when the rest of my family was fast asleep and all you could hear was the occasional chirping of the birds and my thumping heartbeat, when I was glued to my laptop frantically refreshing the UIUC admissions portal to check whether the decision was out yet. Suddenly, after one such refresh, I see the webpage change, confetti appear on the screen and the words “You are an Illini”. I erupted with a sense of relief and excitement altogether. I ran and woke up my Mom and just said “Mil gaya” and she immediately jumped out of bed and just hugged me. UIUC was one of my dream schools and I even got into the program I wanted to, Computer Science.

 I was going to study my favourite subject at my dream place so my exhilaration was beyond words but there was still a sense of sadness and unease inside me. I guess, It was the fear of leaving home and going to a completely new place away from my comfort zone. It was the feeling of uncertainty of whether I’ll be able to make friends there, whether I’ll be able to fit in, whether I will be able to form my own support system away from the protected circle and environment that I had grown up in all my life. 

Not too many students from my school were going to UIUC so I realised that I would have to resort to reaching out to people, chatting with them and hoping for compatibility. The fact that my mother compared it to an ‘arranged marriage’ or ‘Tinder’ didn't help! I found my roommate while cold-messaging and reaching out to other students from India who were posting on instagram. I reached out to him, discovered that we were both from Kolkata and essentially shared the same interests and lifestyles. So, we decided to become roommates instead of being paired with random people assigned by the University. Although the college does have a decent system of assigning roommates based on preferences etc filled in by the students- we decided to not risk it as a known ‘devil’; is better than an unknown one! 

 I was part of multiple whatsapp groups of students who were also going to UIUC at the same time as me but I just never could get myself to participate or find my voice in these huge groups of 100-200 people where everybody already seemed to be the best of friends. 

The entire couple of months before actually going to college I wasn’t sure if I was more excited or more stressed. 

To make matters worse, The pandemic hit us just a few months after I got my admission and we were soon into the lockdown mode which meant I missed the entire first year of my college campus life and studied online (more about that in some other blog). With the stringent travel and visa restrictions in place, my parents couldn’t travel with me to college to settle me in for the first time. As I said goodbye to my tearful mother at the airport I tried to hide my trepidation of travelling solo internationally to a completely new place for a totally novel life experience.

I had studied in the same school for 16 years since I was 2 and had the same set of friends for the last 10 years. I don’t even remember how we became friends (our parents probably set it up in some way lol). So, now was the first time in my life I was going to a completely new setup with hardly any safety net. I realised that I actually had to make a concerted effort to meet people and make a group of friends to battle the loneliness of being so far away from all my friends and family.

My first experience in the dorm room was hardly welcoming as I realised that the bedding etc that I preordered was delayed and I would have to sleep in my hoodie on the mattress. But, trust me that was the least of my concerns because I had soon realised the importance of having people around you with whom you can share your joys, sorrows, worries and concerns. Believe me, having a fun bunch of people around you makes the dining hall food also palatable. In my first week in college I met people most of whom were trying to fit in, so to say. It seemed to me that most had already found their group of friends; while there were many with whom my interests and mindsets did not quite match. I was trying very hard to  meet more and more people, trying out different clubs on campus (I tried a Quidditch club as well which was more fun that you expect) as well as going for hangouts and parties (even though I am not a party person at all) with people I barely knew,. I still remember walking back from class to my dorm one day in the first week and thinking to myself “Kaha phas gaya, Kolkata mein rehta kitna achha hota, galti kardi”. 

Then, the first weekend, I was riding up the elevator with a pillow I had ordered from Amazon (thanks to the delayed bedding delivery) and I bumped into a couple of my floormates who invited me to join them on an ‘adventure’ to the music room. I was tired and wanted to call it a night, but then decided, F it and went with them and had one of the most fun times ever. Then came the important part: following up. I really liked these guys and wanted to continue my interaction with them. So, I decided to keep in touch with them by messaging them on Insta and even knocking on their dorm room doors to see if they wanted to come to the dining hall with me. The 3 of us became friends and one night decided to go into the common room with the Game of Risk which is popularly known to be a game which breaks friendships but it did just the opposite in our case. Many people in the common room came in and joined our game and we all ended up hanging out till 4am and even met the next night to continue the ‘war and games’. They became my home away from home for the next 4 years I spent in college. 

I had been stressed about finding the right people and I finally found my friends who were and are like family to me in America, and that too by sheer coincidence of bumping into some people in the elevator. But keep in mind that, my efforts played an important role as well: had I not followed up and not made efforts, these guys would have also been relegated to the countless Insta followers we all have but don't quite remember who they even are.

 College is an exciting time with endless possibilities but with that there are many unknowns and uncertainties that we as students go through. So, wherever you are, wherever you are going, trust me you will find your people who make this process of exploring and learning fun. May not be immediately, may not be through avenues you expect, may not even be the people you expect, but you will find them.